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收听播客

Vol.899《心动无法准备 所以容易狼狈》

 

都说十七岁爱上的那个人会是一生中的挚爱,这么俗的话,我却相信了。我是个藏不住秘密的人,可有个人,被当成秘密在我心里住了好多年。亲爱的L先生,你曾说会做我最忠实的读者,所以我决定把我们的故事连同一些可能你一辈子都不会知道的事写成小故事,当作最后的礼物送给你。

 

编辑:Melody | 主播:立夏;老V | 后期:小闯

 

 

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我高中补习班所在的民居楼一楼是一家英式装修风格的店,正午到下午五点是小资咖啡店,五点后到凌晨是白领们喜欢光顾的静吧。L先生就是这家Dream吧的老板,一个浑身上下散发着英伦范儿的海归绅士。我们的初次相遇就发生在这里。

“欢迎光临!”一个温柔的男声在耳边响起,我至今还清晰记得当时的情景,从不喝咖啡的我因为避雨鬼斧神差的走进了这家咖啡店。记忆中的L先生就像一道冬日暖阳出现在我眼前,从那一刻照进我的生命。十七岁的我第一次进咖啡店,不知所措的坐在吧台的座位上尴尬地翻看餐单。
“这个sweet dream是什么”?我主动打破沉默。
“是我最喜欢的一款鸡尾酒,虽然度数低,但是我不会卖给未成年,小妹妹!这个比较适合你,香草拿铁,慢用。”他将一杯咖啡递到我面前,上面还有一朵向日葵的拉花。
“可是我还没点单呢!”
“楼上张老师是我房东,请房东的学生喝杯拿铁不过分吧!”看着我充血般害羞的脸,他又补充了一句“小妹妹别瞎想,我还不至于对高中生心怀不轨。天冷,趁热暖暖吧。”咖啡店陆续来了几对顾客,我拖着腮看着他忙碌的背影,偶尔他转过身来,我就急忙将目光转向别处,或者把玩手上的小勺。一直到雨停。
临走前,L先生递给我一把格子折叠伞,“路上小心,下回补课时还我。”

后来,我成了Dream吧的常客,每次都是点一杯香草拿铁,在咖啡店暖洋洋的小院里坐一下午,看会书,再看会他。L先生对每一位顾客都很温柔,偶尔他也会讲些冷笑话,惹得围坐在吧台的女生们又惊又喜。奇怪的是我非但不会生气,还会为他的受欢迎而感到高兴,加深对他的迷恋。

高考结束那天,我终于喝到了L先生亲手调制的sweat dream。认识他的一年间,我的身份从他店里的常客,升级成了他喜欢的小妹妹。喜欢,却仅仅是以妹妹的身份。他告诉我关于sweet dream背后的故事,他的初恋,一个长发披肩,如百合花一般温柔恬静的女孩 。我们都曾和前任规划过未来,说过要永远在一起的诺言。即使最后没有实现诺言,你永远是我最甜蜜的美梦。L先生的嘴巴渐渐贴近我的耳朵,夹杂着他平缓的呼吸声和我重重的心跳声,却还是能听清楚他说的每一个字。

每个女生都喜欢伪绅士多过于真流氓。更何况L先生并不是一个喜欢暧昧的渣男,他有明确的拒绝过我,不过被我自欺欺人的记忆过滤了。就在我大学毕业的那一年,我无数次在梦里预见过的场景——当初短发齐耳的小姑娘蜕变为长发披肩的小女人拿着那把怀有愚蠢的小心机并未归还的格子雨伞再次出现在他面前的那一刻,我认为那是表白的最好时机。可惜我只想到开头,却没猜到结局。只依稀记得L先生摸摸我的头,淡淡的说“你是比向日葵还要善良热情的女孩,只有太阳才值得你为之绽放。”这不是明白的拒绝,但我更明白这不是接受。之后的一段时间我仍然单方面认为我只在一个人面前才会脸红心跳,所以他对我来说是特别的。相遇是必然,我们的故事还未完。

直到年初我听到L先生的婚讯,这已是我工作的第二年了。随着请柬寄来的还有一套书,是L先生留学时淘到的二手书,被他当做镇店之宝摆在咖啡店的书架上,以前我向他要一直没被答应。其实书上到底是些什么内容我根本看不懂,只不过那是他最喜欢的,我才喜欢罢了。这两年我也在工作上取得了一些成绩,面对收获,最想感谢的却是他。年轻时,为了一个人去学一首歌,为了一个人去报考一个学校,为了一个人拼命去减肥。我们可以为了一个人而去改变自己,而最终都会明白:我做了很多事,一开始以为是为了他,后来才明白其实是为了自己。正是因为他,我才能不顾后果去幻想,才能幻想之后去实现,只不过,如果没有他,我可能根本不会去做这些事。婚礼我没有去,爱才会执着不爱才会放手,我没有理由纠缠更没有勇气见证他与别的女人最幸福的时刻,我可以大方的祝福全天下的有情人终成眷属,唯有对L先生我做不到。但我还是愿他一切安好。地球上两个人能相遇不容易,没能做成情人,我仍感激。

 

垫乐及素材:
1:《 いつも何度でも》-奥戸巴寿
2:《爱は花君はその种子》-奥户巴寿
3:《 時の薫り》-西村由纪江
4:《少一点天分》-孙盛希

 

编辑:Melody | 主播:立夏;老V | 后期:小闯
制作:郡子
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图片来源网络

 

 

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