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Vol.759《去你大爷的》

Vol.759《去你大爷的》

 

我其实经常想起从前的日子,不是和某一位姑娘如胶似漆的时候,也不是分手后肝肠寸断的时候,而是很长一段时间自我成长自我认知的过程。我仍然记得那种大汗淋漓喝一杯冰水的畅快。那时候我正在从未经历过的最黑暗的日子里等待上升,我觉得什么都美好,如今我渐渐清醒,却只会说一句:去你大爷的!是我终于失去了什么,还是终于明白了什么。

 

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前些日子好多事情,大的小的。从马航到韩船,从生死到生活。而如今我也终于愿意安静下来,一概往日矫情做作的腔调,把这些日子的心情统统说给你听,如果你愿意听的话。

有很多听众朋友在微博上私信给我,感谢我分享的一些话让他们感同身受,甚至还有朋友专程来向我咨询过感情问题,好像我是离过多少次婚的前辈,这些让我实在担待不起,还有一部分人,带着一份怀念,怀念过去的日子,过去的姑娘少年,也怀念我所在的这座北方城市。

好吧,让我们先从青岛这座城市说起吧。

这里是青岛,五月的风是最具标志性的建筑,而风也是青岛最具代表性的气候,每天都有风,它像不知疲倦忘记回家的孩子,整日的在街上游荡,吹你海飞丝味儿的头发,吹他擦爽肤水的手掌,吹我没刮干净的胡茬,吹姑娘的裙子青年的裤衩。现在正要五月,天气刚刚好,世园会刚刚开幕,栈桥也刚刚修缮一新,八大关里草木正荣,可是这些我都不喜欢。我想告诉你的是关于青岛的海。我去过一些城市,见过很多地方的海,从浑黄到湛蓝,宁静到汹涌。青岛的海跟他们都不一样,你要在一个晴朗的日子,一定要晴朗,天要蓝,这个时候你走下拥挤的321路公交车,走到海边,你会看见它独有的深蓝给你安静,又以深邃把你吞没,让你恐惧。他比噩梦还噩梦,比春天还春天。你来的时候一定不要想念任何人,一定不要失恋了一个人来,我怕你蹲在海岸上就着黄昏对着满片海蓝矫情地哭出来,真有人这样干过,那哥们哭得跟孙子似的,根本停不下来。

前些日子有一个要好的朋友,远道而来。我陪她去看海,那天天气不好,起了大雾,能见度不到1米。我俩就在雾里站着,被不远处刮来的海风吹着,不说话。我和这个朋友认识好久了,大概有6、7年的时间,两个人从无话可说到无话不说再到毕业天南海北如今站在对面不到一米却又无话可说。生活其实是件特无奈特孙子的事儿,它让你惊喜的拥有又悲伤的失去,到头来你会发现你还是自己一个人,我和这个朋友一起度过了最矫情最灿烂的年代,那些幻想和不切实际果真都没能如愿以偿的实现。现在我们大概再也不会来一场说走就走的旅行,不会随便肯定,愿意善良地随声附和,宁愿忍气吞声,当然面对好多恶心傻逼的事情的时候也忍不住在心里骂一句,去你大爷的!喏,你看,我们都是在向前走着,回头看着,自我否定着向死而生着。我终于也停下了所谓的笔耕不辍不在写日记发微博刷空间把心情掏出来供人家点赞。也终于不再愤世嫉俗看到好的坏的善良的恶毒的都不会有感而发,选择沉默,不再陈述,泯然众人。

你回头想想去年的自己,或者几年前的自己,会不会觉得可笑又会不会有一阵失落呢。就如同我打开那个叫安东尼的,我从前很喜欢的作家写的新书,发现内容空洞无聊,根本看不下去。原谅我如实这样评价。

我其实经常想起从前的日子,不是和某一位姑娘如胶似漆的时候,也不是分手后肝肠寸断的时候,而是很长一段时间自我成长自我认知的过程。他们像最亮的星星闪烁在过去的二十年间。我大概再也找不到那些让自己拼命张扬的理由,也找不到那么刻苦的缘故。我仍然记得那种大汗淋漓喝一杯冰水的畅快。那时候我正在从未经历过的最黑暗的日子里等待上升,我觉得什么都美好,如今我渐渐清醒,却只会说一句:去你大爷的!是我终于失去了什么,还是终于明白了什么。去你大爷的!

前几天主持十大歌手比赛的时候,一个姑娘唱了一首《失恋style》,很躁的一首歌,她在舞台上又唱又跳,全场气氛被带到高潮,演出结束后她安静地站在台上说,我经历了一年快要窒息掉的失恋的日子,我今天终于可以说我现在完全好了,谢谢一路陪着我的人。

人在年轻的时候犯些错没什么大不了,爱上一个人渣或者成为一个人渣都是情有可原的事情。就连电影都不会只上演美好的桥段,何况是活生生的生活。

生活其实说起来简单,吃饭喝水而已,可生活的等级却不尽相同。有人吃西餐喝洋酒,有人喝可乐就煎饼果子,这两种人应该都快乐。可是原谅我浅薄,我还是希望有好一些的生活,青岛这座城市其实是个适宜生活不适合生存的城市。也许你短暂的一次旅行并不能体会这些,我有很多刚毕业的朋友,留在青岛,赚着每个月1600块的实习工资,而房租是2000块,他们几个人合租或者干脆住在大学宿舍,每天早上早起几个小时挤公交,去很远的地方,倒车,下车弯腰擦干净被踩脏的皮鞋,我是懦弱的,我想毕业之后我会放弃这个城市,或者,被这个城市抛弃,他不适合年轻人生存,他也不欢迎懒惰愚昧的年轻人。

可是我想,大概每一个城市,都是一样的吧。

所以各位同龄的年轻人,让我们把矫情和不现实的想法统统丢掉,你可以不远行,你可以不买单反,你可以不写诗不歌唱不约炮不网游,可是你不可以不努力。
当然,你也可以听完我的这些话说一句:去你大爷的!

 

 


垫乐及素材:
1:《 I Left That Ring On Draper Street》- Tamas Wells 
2:《Benedict Island, Part. One》- Tamas Wells –
3:《Sleigh Ride》-小普

 

 


主播、制作:陈树
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