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Vol.1040《一个算命先生的自白》

 

“世道轮回,因果缘份,你想要的,上天都会给你,看你拿什么换。”

 

作者:赟瑶Reyna | 主播:小明

 

 

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喜马拉雅

 

 

 

我曾立志要当一名算命先生。为此特意钻研黄老之学,五行八卦,阴阳学说,卜筮之术,就为了某一天自己能够开天眼,通神灵,看清世道轮回,因果缘份。

我的这份努力在我老爹眼里就是屁一般的存在。为了将我匡扶上正道,他没少请教书先生来游说我。只是每一个被请来的先生都被我三言两语给打发出去了,都是出来忽悠人的,谁还不知道谁?因此我依旧痴心不改沉迷于此。

那天又有一个不知好歹的教书先生跑来我家,还没踏进我房门就被我用弹弓打中了印堂。我哈哈大笑,指着他鼻子笑道:“先生,您这印堂发红呈血光之色,不日必有大祸临头啊。”

紧接着我那老爹一个扫帚朝我扫过来,直接把我扫地出门,嘴里嚷嚷着:“龟儿子,老子信了你的邪!”他让我今天在外头待一晚上。

我百无聊赖地蹲坐在大门口,看着来往的人群。迎面走来我那小青梅,穿着鹅黄袄子朝我撇了一眼,我以为她又要来笑话我,没想到她递给我一个红鸡蛋,诺,给你的。

我喜滋滋地接了过来,这丫头还算有点良心。

又惹你爹生气啦?

这不废话么。

你爹也是为你好。

能不能别说废话了。

你学那些也没啥用啊?

不跟你废话,哥哥我给你露两手。

说完我咽下嘴里的鸡蛋,拉过她的手,仔细地端详起来。说实话,虽然我和她早就认识,但这还是第一次这么近距离地看她的手,掌心柔软,十指纤长,纹路交织……看着看着我思绪突然乱了,竟全忘了多年钻研的道道儿。

“咋了,我命好不?”她见我半天不吭声。

我放开她的手,定了定神又恢复我一贯的语气:“这个嘛,天机不可泄露。”

“哼,小骗子。”她嘟了嘟嘴,朝我白了一眼。

我顿时觉得自己自尊心受到打击,江湖规矩,看破不说破,这丫头还敢说我是骗子,好啊,我索性就骗骗她。

于是转眼慢悠悠地说道:“看你生得一副好皮囊,我就勉为其难地告诉你,看这手相,丫头,你这命里有我呢。”

说完我笑嘻嘻地看着她,等着瞧她什么反应。

她听完后脸逐渐由白皙转为粉红,再逐渐变得绯红,后来脸上再也挂不住,狠狠一跺脚似怒非怒地跑开了。

“喂,你倒是给钱啊!”我冲着她的背影喊道,心里倍儿得意。

不过这件事过后我那小青梅就不怎么理我了。偶尔在街上看到穿着鹅黄袄子的她,刚想打声招呼逗逗她,结果她一见我就跟鬼见愁一样一溜烟儿跑了。

我回家照了照镜子,样子也没变啊,不还是那个眉清目秀的小骗子么。看着看着,镜子里的小骗子突然变成了鹅黄袄子的小丫头,我赶紧掐指一算,心里一惊:不好,莫不是动了凡心?

后来某天我在街上游荡,遇到了一个紫气萦绕的世外高人,他长袍白发,仙风道骨。我心中一喜,总算皇天不负有心人让我碰上了个活神仙!赶紧三跪九叩,充分发挥我不屈不挠死皮赖脸精神求他收我为徒。

仙人说:“想学术,断六根。”

“好!”我毫不犹豫地答应了他,回家就收拾行囊。

我跟我老爹说:“十八年后,我一定衣锦还乡。”

他看都不看我一眼。

我跟小青梅说:“帮我照顾我爹。”

她红着眼不说话。

那天黑云压城,风舞的正邪。我背着行囊跟在师父后头昂首阔步地出发,虽前路茫茫,但我心有微光。其实我只是不敢回头,怕离别的悲伤战胜我求道的希望。

我师父是位高人。我跟着他游走四海,风餐露宿,潜心学术,十八载如一日。其中艰辛不必言说,我只想着定要不负众望,衣锦还乡。

十八年后我学成归来,一步登天,成为御用术士,一人之下万人之上。我站在金碧辉煌的大殿之上,一手定乾坤,日月星辰不过是我的囊中之物。回头掐指一算,时辰已到。

五花马,千金裘,不及老家的女儿红,我终于实现了当初的诺言,衣锦还乡。饭桌上我一连干了数十碗女儿红,春风得意地拍了拍我老爹的老肩说:“您儿子给你长脸吧。”

“不学无术。”我老爹还在嘴硬,脸上都快笑成一朵山茶花了。

“那你见到我这么高兴。”我一秒戳破他的厚脸皮。

“我是高兴老孙家的闺女找了户好人家。”我老爹笑嘻嘻地告诉我。

靠,原来他是为这事高兴。不过小青梅照顾他这么多年,确实比我这不孝子孝顺多了,我只好同他一起乐呵呵,女儿红真他妈好喝。

最后也不知喝了多少碗,我才看到小青梅。她穿着鹅黄袄子,风姿绰约地向我走来,递给我一个红册子,诺,给你的。

我喜滋滋地接过来,一看上面写着斗大的两个字——喜帖,顿时手一抖,这东西还没个红鸡蛋重,我还没十八年前有出息。

总算回来啦。

这不废话么。

你爹挺想你的。

能不能别说废话了。

那恭喜你扬眉吐气。

不跟你废话,哥哥我给你敬杯酒。

说完我给她倒了一杯,她没接,我的手尴尬地举在半空中。想了想,还是别浪费,索性自己仰头喝了。

“你给我算算,我跟他…..咋样?”她问我。

“娇妻佳婿配良缘!”我十分爽快地说出这七个字。

她脸上没什么表情,淡淡地说:“记得你还说过我命里有你呢。”

“我不是在这儿嘛,又没死。”我有些醉意地想抬手要揉她头发,抬到半空中突然定住,回过神来生硬地转手摸了摸我自己的头发,冲她傻乐。

“我结婚你来吗?”她问我。

“我劫婚你走吗?”我不知为何精神错乱地反问了这么一句,问完立刻后悔,他妈的瞎说些啥呢。

她好像眼里突然泛起了泪花,又或者是我彻底醉了出现幻觉,反正最后也不记得她说了什么。醒来后只见一碗残酒,一庚喜帖。

第二天我拿着喜帖去了她家,不是去劫婚,是去帮忙。我在她的婚席上进进出出,事无巨细,忙的跟狗一样。我指挥着那群无头苍蝇,告诉他们这黄酒该这么喝,这对联该这么贴,这婚该同我结。

那天我喝了很多黄酒,贴了很多对联,却始终没能说出最后那句话。那天宾客满席,高朋满座,都来恭贺这对天作之合。我端坐于贵宾席间,旁边有人问我,大师您看我能升官发财吗?

我说:“世道轮回,因果缘份,你想要的,上天都会给你,看你拿什么换。”

 

垫乐及素材:

作者:赟瑶Reyna | 主播:小明
制作:郡子
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