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收听播客

Vol.626《活在当下》

《活在当下》

 

在树上安安静静地忘记了病痛,在海边的断崖面对无尽的人生,在花火四溅的夜晚与心爱的入眠,在回家路上看到全世界都写满了自己的名字。活在当下。因为,没有明天了。

 

作者、策划、编辑、主播、后期:小绿

 

 

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Moments, this is one. This right here, right now, is definitely a moment.Anything could happen next.

 

如果没有明天,我们是否继续相恋。有时候一直在想,我们活着就是为了那些让生命发光的时刻,为了那些可以恒久记忆的时刻,那些在老去之后,储存在记忆中可以时不时翻看的时刻。那些由琐碎的片段串联成的故事,就是值得我们或长或短的舞台剧,活过的证据。

 

四年前,Tessa Scott被查出得了白血病,医生承认这是不治之症,于是她放弃了治疗。四年后的今天,她的父母已经分居,他和弟弟、父亲住在一起,有一个好朋友Zoey。她为自己列了一张临死前要做的清单,第一件就是进行她的第一次性行为,还有出名、嗑药、偷东西等等。Zoey的男朋友为她介绍了一个男生,然而Tessa却临场脱逃。接着她又认识了新搬来的邻居Adam,两人渐生情愫。Adam带她去参加派对,开着摩托车载着她在马路上狂奔,在深夜的海里游泳,终于,他们成了情侣。然而这段感情一开始即遭到了Tessa父亲的反对。另一方面,Zoey意外怀孕,思虑再三她决定把孩子留下来。Tessa的病情正在逐渐恶化,她最后的心愿,就是在她离开人世前见到Zoey的孩子。

 

 

Tessa知道自己的死期。谁又不知道自己有深埋黄土的一天。如果没有明天,如果没有疾病和死亡。我们是否还会重复和今天一样事情。是否还会在熙来攘往的人群中,为了一个擦肩的背影驻足。是否还会再次抬头,仰望白云漂浮的湛蓝苍穹。是否还会在节日时对父母说声我爱你。是否还会对那个错过的人说,从认识你的那天起,从来没真正爱过其他人。

 

Tessa知道自己要去做哪些事情。做爱、嗑药、出名,日出日落、触犯法律,可能这是每个青少年心底的小小罪恶,是每一个社会道德被控制者的潜意识中的阻抗情绪。总之尝试它们总是一件很酷的事情。不论偷窃是否成功,父亲是否同意带男友回家过夜,事情总会有解决的办法,因为她还活着。或许有些事情到最后还是没有做完,to do list中还要加上一件一件又一件值得做的事情。在这期间,她不是收获了更多意想不到的美妙时刻吗?她遇见Adam,她呆在树林中高高的枝桠。她跳进冰冷的海水,她在害怕的时候投进温暖的拥抱。生活的铁圈一环套一环,我们不是魔法师,不能够将其轻易地拆卸开来,而生活却变了新奇的魔术,让我们每天都能遇见神奇的事情,遇见梦中出现过的人儿。当未来摇身一变成灰色的过去,被时间尘封于地下室的玻璃瓶。如果我们可以在发生前就预知以至做到最好而不是后悔莫及,可以从容面对告别和失去,因为知道没有永恒没有静止,时间将抚平对白色未来的焦虑、恐惧、执迷。

 

Tessa任性却比谁都理性。一开始可能会对她的不礼貌印象深刻。和ADam的第一次交谈,礼貌的Adam被她用直接回应。和父母一起去医院手术,离开时,她说你们只是在浪费我的时间。护士来给她注射,她先是粗暴地问候了护士,之后在谈到互助小组的时候,她说到遇见过一个很好的女孩子,后来她死了。一种无奈油然而生。在又一次任性地出逃回家,听到爸爸讲她小时候的事情她说,我宁愿你骂我。突然明白她的直接也是怕时间得追赶,怕奔跑地太慢。在她拥有了可以拥抱他的Adam。可以在寒冷的海边一起冲进冷水,可以在秘密的后花园交换内心的伤口。可是从一开始她就知道的是,“You can’t save me.”即使拥有爱情也不能让她不再经受身体和内心的痛楚。单纯真挚的爱情一如少年维特。日日夜夜被思念纠缠,被嫉妒折磨,幻想假想中的情敌,关进自己的异想世界,再也看不到,另一种爱情的可能性。爱情这件事情,如果可以轻松说清楚,也就不会被人类谈论了几千年仍然不朽。

 

Tessa只是想多看看这个世界。生活中时而有这样的经历。某一个瞬间在回想的时候如同世纪般漫长,在那个瞬间的思考甚至跨越千年。像是地震来临,三分钟的时间颠覆了多少人的世界,不会忘记当时的你是怎样的度过了这移动着的三分钟;像是等人,在等待的时候,在一开始的时候便看见了后来的复杂关系,所以一迟到或许就成了千年;像是站在高峰,一路走来不为山顶云雾缭绕,只为征服自己的懦弱和疲劳后胜利的微笑;像是溺在水中,日光在蓝色中晕开,将要离开世界的绝望体验。回想那些记忆中漫长的时光,它们的确是短暂的,但在那些瞬间的思考和升华,是认清了世界的某些规则后的大彻大悟,醍醐灌顶。伴随着强烈感觉的记忆是更为深刻的。Tessa只有17岁。17岁的年纪还没有开过车,还没有抽过烟,还没有做过很多她未来的一生中可能会经历的美妙的事情。时日无多,比起借助医学的力量来稍微延长生命,并且将时间花在医院里,17岁的她选择放弃治疗。这样才有了她所体会到的一切绚烂烟火。如果健全的你明天知道自己即将离去,你会如何选择呢?还会过着和今天一样的一天吗?

 

在树上安安静静地忘记了病痛,在海边的断崖面对无尽的人生,在花火四溅的夜晚与心爱的入眠,在回家路上看到全世界都写满了自己的名字。活在当下。因为,没有明天了。

 

Our life is a series of moments. Let them go. Moment, all gathering towards this one.

 

垫乐及素材

1:《lights and motion》-Faded Fluorescence

2:《lights and motion》-Epilogue

3:《烟火》-陈绮贞

4:《David Darling》-Cycle Song

5:《I Know You Care》-Ellie Goulding

 

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